i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
