Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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