Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize