Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
