I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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