how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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