Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
