My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
