Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
