you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
