i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sober January is a disaster.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
