I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
