# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
