New invention idea: vibrating tampons
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
