Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
