she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
