she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
