found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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