...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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