over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
