Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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