YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
