I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
