It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
