I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
