if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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