i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
