i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
