Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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