What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
