She said her name was "party"
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
