the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
