good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
