did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
