yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am spending my child support on dildos
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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