Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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