Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't deserve a penis
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
