Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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