hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
