She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
