I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
