I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
