I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
MIDGETS
????
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
