I faked an abortion last night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
