I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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