I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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