I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Randomize
