hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
