A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
