In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
