he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
