I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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