last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
