sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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