Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
