Your mouth is God's brothel.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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