I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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