cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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