Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
