This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
