I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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