yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sober January is a disaster.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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