You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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