At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
