just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
