Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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