I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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