Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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