I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
