Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
