i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
