I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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