i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
