I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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