Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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