I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
