where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
