He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
