I'm jealous of your bromance
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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