I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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