gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
